grocery shopping feat davekat
by dicaeopolis
Summary: prompt: davekat grocery shopping, blackrom if possible :


"We are NOT buying that much apple juice. Where do you even keep it, you pulsating pustule, do you sacrifice your closet space for apple juice, are your turntables held up on pillars of apple juice, does this pisslike liquid support your towering monument to shitty remixes-"

"Come on up to my room and you can find out," Dave tossed back, sneaking another bottle of elixir into the shopping cart. Karkat jerked it to the side, knocking Dave into the coolers of the dairy section.

Immediately, the gangly blonde's iPhone was out of his pocket, and he raised the phone above him like an offering to the heavens as he snapped a selfie. Karkat rolled his eyes loudly as Dave mumbled, "gonna instagram this shit" and pulled up the app. im surrounded by cheese, where my Wisconsin girls at, he typed out before posting. The likes started popping up almost immediately, and he grinned at the phone before sliding it back into his jeans and hurrying to catch up with Karkat, who had rudely moved on and was inspecting the yogurt a little ways down.

It was mostly coincidence that they were shopping together. Bro had dumped Dave at Stop & Shop with a few twenties and told him to get food for the week. Karkat's dad... Well, Dave hadn't seen Karkat's dad. He didn't know much about Karkat's dad, and judging by the look on Karkat's face when he was mentioned, he didn't want to. At any rate, they'd run into each other in the parking lot, and Dave had invited himself to accompany him. He had all afternoon, and errands would be much more fun with the shouty little troll. Fighting, dropping increasingly shitty pickup lines, bickering, making out occasionally – their usual.

Dave hadn't been quite so bold in his flirtations until the first time Karkat had pulled him into a janitorial closet and left dark red marks all over his neck. He wouldn't blame Karkat for regretting encouraging him as he strolled up to stand next to him between the cart and the yogurt section, inspecting the flavors carefully, and snuck a casual squeeze somewhere down south.

Karkat yelped and nearly jumped out of his skin, attracting the disapproving stare of a self-important-looking employee who was setting up a display of candy nearby. His face was faintly red as he glared up at Dave. "Cut it out with the making a pathetically feeble pass at my bulge when I'm just trying to buy a single fucking carton of Dannon-" Karkat let out a surprised stream of curses as Dave, who was clearly in high spirits, planted one hand on the worn plastic side of the cart and vaulted clean over it. "Hey, shitsponge, you aren't in your shitty apartment anymore! This place isn't your personal goddamn jungle gym, although I'm not half surprised that your festering mind-" He was interrupted by a red package of chocolate landing in the baby seat of the shopping cart.

"For you."

"You think shitty grainy chocolate with cardboard wafers inside is going to-"

"They're kitkats."

Karkat gave him a look of pure and unsullied disgust.

The corner of Dave's mouth twitched with the manful effort of keeping back a smile. "Don't go getting crabby on me."

Karkat outright hissed at him, and threw up an arm to shield his face as Dave snuck another picture.

"Are you snapchatting me to John?" Karkat growled.

A mischievous smile played along Dave's lips as his fingers flew across the keyboard.

"What the fuck are you saying to him-"

"All about our domestic life, bro," Dave answered distractedly, "it's only one stop from grocery shopping to getting an apartment and doing the dishes together, you can be my little wife and kiss me hello when I get home from work and then we'll have hot rough sex on the kitchen floor–"

"What did you actually put on the snapchat, you horse's ass-" He squinted at the screen as Dave flipped it around to show him.

"Kart-kat," Dave explained smugly, as if the picture of an angry Karkat pushing the shopping cart and the snapchat's caption didn't speak for themselves.

Karkat huffily changed the subject as he pushed onwards to the eggs. "I can see your nipples," he informed Dave, grabbing a carton and flipping it open to check for cracks.

Dave glanced down. Well, shit. "It's freezing next to the coolers, yours would be hard too if you had any-"

"I can't believe how snotlickingly awful you humans are at concealing your disgusting desires-"

"They're sensitive, want to touch?" Dave suggested.

Karkat's eyes flicked towards him, torn between pent-up anger and smoky desire, and Dave would've pumped a fist if it wouldn't have tipped the balance between Karkat's lust and detestation against him. He knew that look, and it only meant one thing.

Sixty seconds later, the shopping cart was abandoned outside and a door labeled EMPLOYEES ONLY was closing behind the pair of teenagers. Karkat was pushing him back against the metal shelves full of bread, fingers tangling in Dave's hair and pulling him down to mash their mouths together, and Dave's hands were fisted in the back of Karkat's shirt.

He gasped as Karkat's teeth moved to nibble at his neck, feeling small gray hands slide under his shirt and skim across his sensitive skin.

Short and bristly as he was, Karkat wasn't anywhere near unattractive. He was compact, but there was a wiry strength in his skinny limbs, and when he tilted his head, Dave's eyes involuntarily lingered on the smooth gray skin of his neck. And fuck, he could scratch when he got going, but who was complaining?

He still didn't quite get the blackrom thing. But man, with Karkat's tongue skimming across his skin, he sure wasn't going to stop him now.

"You're still a grotesque waste of space and oxygen," Karkat mumbled against his collarbone.

Dave laughed breathily, fingers hooking into Karkat's belt loops and pulling their bodies flush together. "Likewise," he replied before leaning down again to kiss Karkat deeper.


End file.
